When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris once killed a rock.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever!

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

When Chuck Norris does pushups. He doesn't actually pushes himself up, he pushes the earth down.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

/MathiasGoes